Forewarning - Sap and depression ahead.
Sometimes, just sometimes I miss this. I don’t miss being upset or filled with anger, I don’t miss being jealous or being a bargaining chip between two exes, I don’t miss being almost a ‘secret’ boyfriend and I certainly don’t miss feeling so unwanted you’d rather be dead, but what I do miss is someone being part of something bigger than themselves. Everyone is so invested in being drunk and getting your photo taken at a club, but once and a while people will come along who light a fire underneath you which can’t be put out. And you miss that, someone who you have complete reliance on is suddenly nowhere to be found you lose yourself. A lot. Quite a lot.
But the point is, we’re here now and that cannot be changed but what I can change is my attitude to the rest of the world and despite the absolutely catastrophical amount of what people would call ‘bad karma’ or ‘bad luck’ thrust upon me so often in my 26 years, I am better than the sum of my parts and my happiness no longer needs to be shoved into one person to make me whole. I have 7 billion other people and 206 other countries to make me whole instead.
What a difference a year makes…